The Coffee Bean
From an early age, Damon West’s innate ability to throw a ball farther than most of his peers made him a promising quarterback. Even though he stood just under 6-feet tall, his talent was recognisable and he was recruited by a lot of schools to play (American) football. As a reward for his talent, he landed a scholarship programme at University of North Texas where he became a starter during his sophomore year, throwing a touchdown in his first game against (then No. 2) Arizona State. However, in life, with ability also comes adversity. In his second game, he separated his shoulder and never played again.
The injury denied him of the natural progression to playing pro, so after graduating in 1999, he worked at the United State Congress and later at a stock brokerage which was where a co-worker introduced him to “methamphetamines” commonly know as “meth”. In his own admittance, he said -“I gave up everything for that drug”, explaining that he had to eventually feed the habit by burglarising homes. The Dallas Police Department SWAT team later arrested him and he was handed a 65-year sentence for multiple burglaries.
During his incarceration at a Texas correctional facility, he met another inmate by the name of “Mr. Jackson” who shared with him the apocryphal tale of “the coffee bean”. He told West to imagine prison as three pots of boiling water, in the first were placed carrots, in the second were placed eggs and in the last were placed coffee beans. Each of these items had faced the same adversity - “boiling water” and each reacted differently.
The carrot went in strong and tough. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weakened by its environment.
The egg had been fragile, but after sitting through the boiling water, its insides became hardened.
The coffee bean was unique, however. After being put in the boiling water, it transforms the boiling water to coffee.
As it turns out, the smallest of all three items had the power to change its pressurised environment. This wisdom helped West to not only survive but thrive in the harshest of environments, fending off gangs and developing grit.
After serving 7years of his 65-year sentence, West was handed a second chance in life by way of parole. He decided he wanted to serve humanity as opposed to serving time. He used his story to inspire others and has since navigated the pathway to becoming a successful motivational speaker and best selling author.
In life, when faced with tough circumstances or situations like the current global pandemic and its adverse effects of death, discouragement and despair, we can either crumble and become weakened by these circumstances, letting the fear get the best of us or become hardened, angry and frustrated by its effects on us. When adversity knocks on our door, we can either be a carrot or an egg, or we can refuse to be a victim of our circumstance and choose to positively transform our environment by being a coffee bean.
Remember - “True character is revealed only when pressure is applied” - Robert McKee
Peace, love and Light.
Do The Work
Ever heard the apocryphal anecdote about the famous artist - Pablo Picasso? According to the tale, a woman approached Picasso in a marketplace and asked if he could do a quick drawing for her. He obliged, and thirty seconds later, he hands her a remarkably beautiful little sketch. “That’ll be thirty thousand dollars” he says. But Mr. Picasso, the woman quibbled, “how can you charge me so much? This sketch only took you thirty seconds!”. “Madame”, replied Picasso, “It took me thirty years”.
Oftentimes, we tend to focus on the outcome as opposed to the process. We fail to recognise the hard work, dedication and perseverance that lies behind achievements. Popular belief has it that we can “wishfully” manifest things into existence; that if “you dream it, you can achieve it”. However, what’s typically omitted is the requisite work needed to manifest such dreams into reality. It should come as no surprise that dreams on their own aren’t enough, we have to take specific and strategic actions to actualise dreams. While this is common knowledge albeit not common practice, the aim is that this write-up serves as a gentle reminder that to become successful in any area of life, we have to stop wishing and start doing.
We’ve become accustomed to wishful-thinking and our thoughts have become consumed by the words I wish…I wish…I wish I could have a career that earns me a lot of money, I wish I could have “this” or have “that” but we seldom recognise and embrace what it actually takes to get what we want. Wishing has somewhat become a distraction from the underpinning effort required to create our desired outcome.
For some, the dilemma is - "how much work is required to become successful?”. You’ve probably heard about the “10,000 hours rule” made popular by Malcolm Gladwell in his bestselling book Outliers. The idea stipulates that the key to achieving world-class mastery of any skill, is, to a large extent, a matter of practicing the correct way, for a total of around 10,000 hours. Gladwell states that “ten thousand hours is the magic number of greatness”.
While Gladwell’s opinion remains a matter of legitimate conjecture among researchers on the exactness of time or effort required to become successful, one certitude is that behind success lies an often invincible, consistent and repetitious effort. The milage in our brain is what develops the muscle memory for mastery to occur.
Surprisingly, some still believe in the idea of “luck” being a possible contributory factor to success, but I’ll like to rid you of the delusion that luck exists. What is often termed as “luck” is the point of convergence between opportunity and hard work. To quote Mr. Picasso himself, “opportunity exists, but it must find you working”.
What will get you your desired outcome are intentional, incremental and compounding effects of your consistent efforts. Once you know the why behind what you want, consider the work behind the want and be prepared to do it. The focus should always be on the process, not the outcome because the outcome usually takes care of itself when we dedicate ourselves to the process.
Remember - “It takes years for a person to become an overnight success” - Prince
Peace, Love and Light.
gods and gardens
Common knowledge has it that at birth, no human-being is born with a preconceived view of the world. We come proverbially as a blank canvass, and as we grow up and become socialised into society, we begin to develop idiosyncrasies and beliefs which shape our views and how we see the world.
The idea of gods and gardens is a fascinating and transformational concept, one that requires an open mind. Once I learned it, I couldn’t wait to teach it, just so it becomes ingrained in me - as the saying goes, “if you teach something you’ve learned, you get to learn it twice”.
So what are gods and gardens? gods are belief systems, they are things we believe and hold to be deeply true, that we cannot fathom or conceive a different narrative or reality. A lot (if not all) of our belief systems are completely learnt, meaning - “we believe what we have been taught to believe”. As a child, even before your cognitive abilities begin to develop, you are taught from an early age what being you means. You are taught about your culture/tradition, your language, your religion - how you pray, when you pray and to whom you pray. As such, it is safe to say that the belief systems (gods) that anchor how we think and see ourselves in the context of the world have either been taught to us or leaned by us.
The interesting bit is this, once we’re taught something and we believe it, we internalise it. The internalisation of an idea affirms such an idea as a belief system in the very fabric of our being. Once internalised, even in the face of evidence that suggests or points to the contrary, we hardly change our belief systems. This is how our beliefs become the gods that govern our lives.
Gardens on the other hand, are places of constant change and evolution according to seasons. They are places that require constant nurturing, watering, pruning and care. Any avowed gardener will tell you that the idea of a garden is first conceived in the mind and then it evolves over time before it matures into a physical space that can be admired and enjoyed. Paradoxically, most of us don’t approach life with the viewpoint that our anchoring belief systems ought to shift or evolve. Like gardens, our beliefs ought to be nurtured, watered, fertilised and pruned to suit the ever changing landscape of the world we live in. The idea is that when/if our belief systems become incongruent or non-compliant with contemporary times, we need to demonstrate flexibility and alter them.
The idea appears somewhat controversial as general opinion infers that beliefs ought to be fixed. But on the contrary, “Principles” are what needs to be fixed, not “Beliefs”. For example, a “Principle” is something like “I will not lie” and the underlining belief which supports such principle is that “lying is bad”. Hopefully, that example explains that what needs to remain a constant are principles and that our beliefs should and ought to evolve.
To illustrate further, there was a time when general belief inferred that one race was superior to the other. However, with evolution, we know today that such a belief system is archaic, immoral and void of anything that symbolises humanity and equality, but people believed it. They believed it the same way most of us today have beliefs that govern our lives that we’re adamant should be fixed and unchangeable. We fail to understand that all beliefs are a metamorphosis of ideas shaped by people and our environment.
Therefore, as you begin a new cycle labelled 2021, here are some questions to ask yourself; “what are the gods in your life? what are the beliefs you hold to be deeply true that prevent you from seeing life through a different lens besides the one you were taught to?
Remember - “A mind that is stretched by new ideas or experiences can never go back to its old dimensions.” - Oliver Wendell Holmes
Peace, Love & Light,
21 grams
Archetypically as humans, we learn a plethora of lesson through the journey of life but hardly put them all to practice. Permit me to state boldly that we will be failing grossly in our duty to self if we don’t reflect and act on fundamental lessons this unprecedented year has taught us. We often grapple with the concept of priority, questioning ourselves on what really carries weight in our endless list of needs, wants and priorities.
In the year 1907, a physician named Duncan MacDougall carried out a medical study labelled the “21 grams experiment”. His research hypothesised that souls have physical weight, and he attempted to measure the mass lost by a human when the soul departed the body at the point of death. For the sake of argument, it is worth mentioning that Duncan’s work is widely regarded as flawed and unscientific within the medical fraternity. However, I think he certainly left us with an underlining question to ponder deeply - “Does the Human Soul have a weight?”
For the purpose of the experiment, Duncan sat next to six dying patients and weighed them pre the instance of death and post the instance of death and found that the human weight dropped by 21grams. The outcome of Duncan’s experiment posed an interesting question - “Is the weight of the human soul 21grams?”
Here’s the interesting bit, if we were to assume that Duncan’s work is remotely accurate, this infers that the part of us that really counts, that forms human connections, that aspires for a greater purpose, that seeks to leave a legacy,…the part of us that “if its lost, all is lost” is a mere 21grams! (For contextualisation, that’s less than 1% of our 1%).
Begs the question - What Really Matters? …in my humble opinion, this is an important question we ought to always ask ourselves as we begin a new chapter of our lives each passing day. Perhaps what really matters is our 21grams.
As the saying goes, “answers are found within questions”. So if ever you’re struggling with the idea of “what really matters”, here are three guiding question to help you arrive at a somewhat relatable answer;
What feels Real? - You’ll know “real” once you’ve felt it…or ask a woman who has just held the baby she conceived and carried for 9months. The moment you concern yourself with only that which feels real, there’s a natural discernment of what becomes important in your life and you become less seduced by that which is material and ephemeral.
What feels Right? - Ever been somewhere, with someone, doing something that doesn’t feel right or sit right with you? Your conscience is your built-in compass and it always guides you with this. Concern yourself with only that which feels right, that which fills your soul and ignites your spirit.
What feels Relevant? - For a soul to truly fulfil its purpose, it must achieve something that inspires other souls (Inspiration - In Spirit). Are you doing things that inspires others and will remain relevant even after you’re gone? Are you leaving your footprints on the sands of time?
Uncannily, we’ve all been faced with the reality and scare of death this year, not in the way we all imagined it to be (old and grey in our beds) but in form of a virus knocking from door to door like the proverbial postman, and taking with him many loved ones - young and old. Makes the idea of “what really matters” a significant enough lesson for us all to ponder as we draw close to the end of a tumultuous 2020, with the hope of a better 2021.
Remember - “In life, only do that which makes you feel most alive, that which fills your soul and keeps you always in alignment with your 21grams.” - B.J.O
Peace, Love & Light.
Habits
Interestingly, it’s nearing that time of the year when we all make “New Year resolutions” which oftentimes only tend to last the first few months before we revert back to our default pattern otherwise known as “Habits”. As the saying goes, - “First we create our habits, and then our habits create us”. It’s general knowledge that our success in life is intimately connected to our habits, and without a conscious examination of these said habits, New Year resolutions will continue to be a temporary and cyclic pattern year on year.
Therefore, it suffice to say that the pressing need is actually a change of “Habit(s)” which can commence at any point in time as oppose to “New Year Resolutions”which are generally tied to the commencement of a new calendar year. Relying on “will-power” to change a particular habit is perhaps the wrong way to go about behavioral change. Our primary focus should be centred on breaking old habits that impede us by gradually building new habits that propel us to the version of ourselves we want to see.
So here are some key things to bear in mind;
Specificity - There’s something powerful about being specific. You have to be specific about the type of change you’re seeking. For instance, saying you’ll like to read more is merely an aspiration. But by saying you’ll like to read for 30mins a day every morning at 10am shifts an aspiration to a commitment. Specificity is an underpinning element of behavioral change.
Start Small - Oftentimes, the enormity of what needs to change can discourage us from making such change, so starting small is always advisable. If your goal is to become fitter, start by exercising at home for 10-15mins/ 3 days a week and grow from there. There’s better chance of following through with this as opposed to the guilt of having an unused gym membership.
Motivation - “Motive for Action”. By hinging motives to our need to act often propels us to commit to change. For instance, a motive to someday buy your family a desirable home can serve as an enabler to pursue your dreams. Know your motive.
Trigger - It’s vital to know what triggers our existing bad habits. By being aware of and avoiding those triggers, we have a better chance at implementing change. If want to stop looking through your phone the minute you wake up, by consciously altering the trigger of your phone being within palpable reach immediately increases your chances of making this change.
Reasonable Alternative - Change in itself is uncomfortable. So as opposed to stopping a habit abruptly, its advised to replace such habits with reasonable alternatives to gradually implement change e.g Replacing unhealthy snacks with healthier options means you still get the pleasure of snacking without the possibility of ill health.
Celebration - Always celebrate your wins. We humans are reward driven, so creating a method of making yourself feel a positive emotion by celebrating your gradual growth during or immediately after every small achievement can help fast-track your affinity for the new habit(s) you’re mastering.
Conclusively, good habits have the power to drive out bad habits. But it’s important to establish that habit formation or behavioral change is a skill, the more you practice, the more you get better at it.
Remember - “You are what you repeatedly do. Excellence therefore is not an act, but a Habit” - Aristotle
Peace, Love & Light.
Procrastination
As we approach the end of what’s been an eventful year, one that’s prevented perhaps all of us from actualising certain plans, I thought it apposite to write about something else which also prevents us from actualising most of our plans - Procrastination.
We all have the proclivity to put off things we need to accomplish, especially when they are challenging. Procrastination is the practice of doing more pleasurable/easier tasks as opposed to less pleasurable/harder tasks. In the words of T. Harv Eker — “If you are willing to do only what's easy, life will be hard. But if you are willing to do what's hard, life will be easy.”
The ripple effect of procrastination is that it can lead to other negative feelings like guilt, inadequacy, depression, self doubt and low confidence in self. Procrastination is a supervillain that robs us of the life we desire and that which we deserve. However, if it’s any consolation, its safe to acknowledge that procrastination is something we all deal with, albeit some better than others.
So here are 6 quick tips on how to prevent procrastinating;
Put Off Putting Things Off - This sounds counter intuitive but once you’re aware that you always put things off, the best way to counter that is by consciously doing what your subconscious mind tries to put off - i.e “procrastinate about procrastinating”.
Start Somewhere - This employs the “Zeigarnik effect” postulated by the psychiartist - Dr. Bluma Zeigarnik. It works on the premise that if we start a task, our brain doesn’t close the loop of activity until we complete that task.
As such, we have a greater chance of completing something once we make a start.Break it Down - One of the biggest challenges that prevents us from doing things we need to do is our view of how huge the entire thing is. By breaking it down into smaller tasks, it becomes less intimidating - remember, “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a step”
Be Kind to Yourself - Typically, we tend to think that by giving ourselves some guilt for things we procrastinate about, we might change. However, research shows that being hard on yourself for not doing things you plan to do is actually counterproductive. Studies in the areas of self-compassion tells us that if we’re kind to ourselves, we’re more likely to commit and follow through with our plans. Simply understand that you’re human and aim to be better.
Scheduling - This is “common sense” but not “common practice”. By scheduling a task in your diary/calendar with a reminder, you have a better chance at completing it as opposed to making a vague mental note.
Your “Why” - Based on the work of Simon Sinek, author of the book Start with Why. It infers that when you have a project or a goal, and you can’t seem to find motivation to accomplish it, your purpose is what will drive you to the finish line. That if we tap into the reasons for action, we’re able to get past procrastination - “Reasons drive Results”.
Remember - “Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone” - Pablo Picasso
Peace, Love & Light.
Tolerance
It is apparent that the pace of change in today’s world is relentless. We’re constantly faced with a barrage of day-to-day challenges and provocations from work, society and even within our own households which continually “stress-test” our personal and collective relationships. As a result, we’re becoming increasingly less tolerant of one another which is evident in the global divorce rate of circa 44%. In the words of musician Tom Waits, “we are buried beneath the weight of information, which is being confused with knowledge; quantity is being confused with abundance and wealth with happiness. Such confusion sometimes make us question our own identity and perhaps how we view ourselves in the context of the world.
Ancient wisdom has it that our inability to tolerate/manage these said challenges prevents us from enjoying a peaceful and purposeful life. However, for us to better manage/tolerate the challenges in our external environment, we must first tolerate and manage the urges that exits within us.
So here are four urges one must seek to overcome;
The urge to CONSUME - In an age where we’re constantly being fed information from myriad sources, one must try to overcome the urge to consume needlessly. We ought to be mindful of what we imbibe as they shape our views and beliefs. Remember, “garbage in; garbage out”.
The urge to CONTROL - We have to tolerate the various dualities that come into our lives and remain humble. It is important to understand and accept that we can’t control all occurrences or events in life. The only thing we have control over is how we respond to these events.
The urge to CONVINCE - We’re so convinced about our opinions and viewpoints which are mostly shaped by our beliefs. We usually want others to also buy into these beliefs which then results in arguments or difference of opinions, and even a breakdown in relationships in some extreme cases. We have to repress the urge to convince others in certain situations.
The urge to COMPETE - Not all fingers are equal, meaning certain people will excel much better than others in the game of life. We must be happy for them and their achievements without being envious, reminding ourselves always that we’re on our own path and have our own destiny. We must resist the temptation and the urge to compete.
Conclusively, one must seek wisdom to elevate ones consciousness above these urges to consume, control, convince and compete so as to become more tolerant of oneself as well as the environment that one exits within. By doing so, we grow to love ourselves more and in turn have a greater chance at experiencing our own peace and purpose.
Remember - “Your own self-realisation is the greatest service you can render to the world” - Raman Maharshi
Peace, Love & Light.
Problem Solving
Ever heard the Notorious B.I.G song - Mo Money, Mo Problems? It was one of many hot tracks on the 1997 double-disc “Life After Death” Album - It was a major hit at the time. That said, this isn’t a music review blog. However, if we cast aside the literal innuendo - “More Money, More Problems”, and delve deeper into the meaning of the message, it simply infers that - “The next level of your life will always demand a better version of you”.
We tend to view life through our pair of rose tinted glasses with the notion that things ought to always be blissful with no bumps in the road. As such, we’ve developed a negative view of problems, believing they are stumbling blocks as opposed to stepping stones.
What we fail to understand is that “problems require energy to exist”. The concept is that we should focus more on solving problems without depleting ourselves of energy thinking about “the problem”. Because, the more energy we expend thinking about a problem, the more it grows in size within the premise of our imagination. We begin to worry about what might happen, devising a plethora of possible future scenarios. Research shows that our fears of a problem tends to outweigh its actual danger, and that we suffer more in our imagination of the problem than in reality of any challenges we’re presented with.
So here are a few tips for problem solving;
Focus your Energy, Time and Thought on the solution, not the problem. 90% focus on the solution; 10% on the problem
Develop a positive mindset towards problems. Challenges present you with an opportunity to grow
Try not to get stressed. When we’re stressed our body goes into survival mode and we tend to make poor choices when in survival
Write down the problem and the type of solution you want. Writing it down gives you power over the problem and creates headspace to strategise about the solution
Make a decision on how to solve the problem and outline whatever resources your require
Flood your mind with certainty and belief that your plan for solving the problem will work. What you believe in is what you bring about.
Take action. Procrastination leads to weakness; Optimism to power
Once the problem is solved, learn and grow from it. A mind stretch by a new experience shouldn’t return to its old dimensions
Remember: “If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you” - Fred DeVito
Peace, Love & Light
100% Responsibility
It is habitual for humans to associate the negative outcomes of life’s events with people, places or things in their lives for the sole reason that we aren’t wired by default to take full responsibility. In fact, our very nature seeks to defer responsibility.
We find it far too easy to blame previous experiences, circumstances or even our backgrounds for the outcomes we produce in our lives and in turn associate the lack of positive outcomes to factors within our external environment. Furthermore, if we are indeed what we repeatedly do, blaming then becomes a part of our very being and inevitably puts us in a victim consciousness where we develop beliefs that something outside us is responsible for what happens within us - that’s the old model of “Cause and Effect”. However, the formula for producing positive/successful outcomes that puts any human in control of their destiny simply states that;
E + R = O (Events + Response = Outcome)
That is, an event occurs, we respond to “the event” and our response creates an outcome. Typically, we tend to blame “the event” as opposed to taking responsibility for our response mechanisms. Fact is, we can’t change the event, but our response can determine the outcome.
To change the outcome of any event in our lives, all we have to do is simply change our response to such event(s) and avoid making any excuses or allotting blames i.e taking 100% responsibility.
One has to give up making excuses and become solution oriented. In most instances, every single excuse we give ourselves is valid but excuses won’t give us our desired results. We can either have the false sense of security derived from the emotion of victim consciousness or we can have the progress we desire by taking responsibility - but we can’t have both. By having the mindset of “100% responsibility”, you move into a new level of consciousness that you are responsible for the results you produce - “You become more the creator of your own life and less the victim of your own life”.
Remember: “By blaming external factors/forces for your outcomes, you’re wilfully handing over your power”
Peace, Love & Light.
Letting Go
Oftentimes, what prevents us from stepping into the greatness of our future (the unknown) is our refusal to let go the past (the known).
Over time, we’ve conditioned our minds to the familiarity of “the known” (the past) which prevents us from experiencing the newness of “the unknown” (the future).
Latest research on memory shows that 50% of the stories we tell ourselves about our past aren’t actually true. We make up things as we go along to reaffirm our resistance to change.
Therefore, to change this, you have to decide - “Am I going to live by the memories of the past or visions of the future”.
To live by the visions of your future, it becomes imperative to start consciously re-programming your brain and body to the wonderful things you’ll like to experience in the future so that you feel connected to your future instead of your past.
Remember: “No one can go back and make a brand new start, but anyone can start from now and make a brand new beginning”. - Maria Robinson
Meet yourself where you are right now, and begin from here.
Peace, Love & Light.
Gratitude
“Gratitude” is arguably the most powerful of all elevated emotions after “Love”.
It is a scientific fact that gratitude reciprocates. Hence, practicing gratitude is without doubt a proven way to attract new things into your life.
To illustrate, when we receive something or when something good happens to us, we say “Thank You”...Therefore, the emotional signature of gratitude means the event has already happened or it’s happening hence we say “Thank You”.
So, to create new things, all you have to do is open your heart and start to feel gratitude. Once you do, that emotion is telling your body that the event has already occurred. Meaning the feeling can then make it into your body because it’s consistent with your thoughts.
If you can maintain this elevated state of emotion through your entire day, independent of the conditions in your external environment and independent of time, get ready!...because some synchronicity will happen and opportunities will come to you without you going to look them. This is simply based on the law of attraction which stipulated that “like attracts like”.
Remember: “whatever we think and thank about, we bring about”. - John Frederick Demartini
Peace, Love & Light.
Integrity
It is often said that “Integrity” is doing what you say you’ll do, when you need to do it and when nobody is watching. However, a general misconception about integrity is that we tend to assume it to only be about fulfilling the commitment we make to others.
We find it easier to keep most of the commitments we make to other people but we seldom keep the promises we make to ourselves. For instance, we find it easier to commit to attending a friend’s wedding across the Atlantic as opposed to keeping a commitment to ourselves about maintaining a healthy routine.
“Self transformation” is underpinned by “Integrity”. To achieve true self transformation, we have to make a commitment to the type of change we’re seeking, and have the integrity to keep that commitment we’ve made to ourself when nobody is watching.
Remember: “Confidence in Self otherwise known as “self-confidence” is built by keeping the commitments we make to ourselves”.
Peace, Love & Light.
Morning Questions
It is common knowledge that mornings are arguably the most important part of our day. How we feel and our thoughts upon waking up can influence the course of our entire day.
So here are 7 powerful questions that you can incorporate into your “Morning Routine” which will influence your “mood and thoughts” and positively enhance your emotional state the entire day.
What am I most happy about in my life right now?, what about it makes me happy?, how does it make me feel?
What am I most excited about in my life right now?, what about it makes me excited?, how doesn’t it make me feel?
What am I most proud of in my life right now?, what about it makes me proud? How does it make me feel?
What am I most grateful for in my life right now?, what about it makes me grateful? How does it make me feel?
What am I most enjoying in my life right now? What about that do I enjoy?, how does it make me feel?
What am I committed to in my life right now? What about it makes me committed? How does it make me feel?
Who do I love? Who loves me? What about that makes me loving? How does it make me feel?
Thinking of something that makes you happy, excited, proud, grateful....something you enjoy, something you’re committed to and someone you love every morning can make your day and literally change your life.
Remember - “What you think, you become. What you feel, you attract. What you imagine, you create”. - Buddha.
Peace, Love & Light.
Listening
Research shows that in communication, involved parties hardly listen to one another. Oftentimes we’re simply waiting for our turn to speak.
“Listening” the oldest form of “Learning” known to man and a critically important part of communication.
It’s no news that people’s favourite topic is themselves, hence we tend to speak more about our achievements or experiences. The thing is, we don’t learn anything new by speaking about what we already know. We can only learn something new by listening to the experiences of others.
Here are 10 Tips on how to become a better listener
Make eye contact
Always ask for understanding e.g when they finish speaking, ask for clarification for them to know you understand what they’ve said.
Make sure your facial expression show that you’re present. It’s easy to tell if your mind is elsewhere.
Don’t interrupt or talk over them. let them finish their point then make yours.
When they’re struggling to find their words, let them find it. Don’t give them a better word - it just appears as though you seem more clever.
Ask follow up questions. It invites them to open up even more and express themselves.
Concentrate, keep your awareness on the speaker, not on your phone or something else
Connect to the emotion of the speaker not just the facts of what is being said.
Match their volume/tone of voice when responding. Don’t shout if they are speaking softly
Use acknowledgement statements e.g “I think you’re incredible, thank you for sharing this with me”.
How to know you’ve had a great conversation is when you’ve spoken less in a communicative exchange.
Remember - “We’re created with two ears and one mouth for a reason, use them in that ratio” - Listen More.
Peace, Love & Light.
Concentration
A case for Concentration…
Concentration is at the very core of all human endeavour and success. According to a study by Microsoft, the average human being now has an attention span of 8 seconds. Begs the question, How do we expect to solve our day to day challenges if we constantly distracted?
To understand “Concentration” is to understand that you’re not the “mind” but rather, you’re “awareness” moving through different areas of the “mind”.
The case for “Concentration” is that it allows us to be fully present and immersed in an experience. When we’re fully present in an experience, the byproduct is that we’re able to enjoy that experience and derive optimal satisfaction from all that experience has to offer.
Concentration is your ability to keep your awareness on something for an extended period of time until you make a conscious choice to shift your awareness unto something else. Most people allow something (e.g technology devices) or someone outside of them to control where their awareness goes, hence giving up their finite energy and source of light and information to something or someone, leaving them with limited energy to create for themselves.
Concentration is a “science” and an “art”. A science because there are clear logical steps you need to take to work towards the goal and an art because it requires repetition and practice to master it.
Remember - “where awareness goes, energy flows” - James Redfield
Peace, Love & Light.
Personality & Personal Reality
Did you know that your Personality is intimately connected to your Personal Reality?
Our “Personality” is made up of how we think, act, speak and how we feel. And our “Personality” (how we think, act, speak and feel) determines our “Personal Reality” (our Life).
So then, if you want to change any aspects of your Life, (your personal reality), you must change your personality.
You have to start becoming conscious of your unconscious thoughts. You have to start noticing to how you think, how you act, how you speak. You have to start paying attention to how you feel.
Most people live in lack, guilt or unworthiness all their life without even knowing because it feels familiar to them. But when you start paying attention to your thoughts, you become conscious of your unconscious thoughts, you begin to objectify your subjective self.
Only then you can then begin to make small changes back to your thoughts.
A new “thought” should lead to a new “choice”;
A new “choice” should lead to a new “behaviour”;
A new “behaviour” creates a new “experience”;
A new “experience” creates a new “emotion”;
That new “emotion” starts teaching your body chemically to embody what your mind has intellectually understood.
Once your body begins embodying this new truth and pattern, that’s the evolution that creates a new Personality that’ll in turn live a new Personal Reality.
Begin today, write down four thoughts or behavioural patterns that you’ll like to change and start being “conscious’ of them throughout your passing day so that they don’t carry on being a part of your life subconsciously.
Remember - “As a man thinketh, so is he:” - Proverbs 23:7
Peace, Love & Light.
Service
Ancient wisdom from Monks show that one’s day should be divided into two, the first half for “Self” and the other half for “Service” to others. Having discussed the first part which focuses on “Self”. This part is based on the idea of “Selfless Service” and the belief that we’re all born with divine gifts or talents. That if these gifts or talents aren’t used in the service of others, they become worthless.
It is a known fact that significant “Success comes from “Service” and that the scale at which one succeeds is oftentimes in direct proportionality to the depth of the problem one solves.
Furthermore, it is believed that the more we lend ourselves in the service of others, the more we learn about ourselves - “You find yourself when you lose yourself in the service of others - Gandhi”
Selfless “service” (or sacrifice) is based on the premise of doing things for people that can’t do anything back for us in return or having no expectations of reciprocity on the good we do.
For example, by simply sharing wisdom of this kind with someone that may find it inspiring, you’ve lent yourself in selfless service of others.
Think of what talent(s) are you’re blessed with that you can start blessing others with, selflessly.
In other words, “Plant trees in whose shade you don’t expect to sit” - Nelson Henderson
Location & Time
Location has ENERGY and Time has MEMORY
Ancient wisdom has it that if you practice something in “the same place” everyday, that place will hold the energy of what you do therein. E.g If sleep in your own bed night, you’ll observe a tangible difference when you sleep in a different bed for one night because you’ve built an energetic bond with the experience and conformity of sleeping in your own bed.
Likewise, If you do something at the same time everyday, you’ll remember it and “Time (universal time)” also remembers it. E.g If you have to wake up at a certain time everyday for an activity, your body clock becomes regulated to that specific time and you’ll subconsciously wake up even before your alarm goes off.
To inculcate these two ideas into a morning routine as discussed in the previous post about "Self"
Find a place in your home that your keep sacred and use for practicing your thankfulness, gratitude and meditation. Over time, that place will hold that positive energy and becomes a powerful fortress.
Endeavour to practice your morning routine at the same time everyday. Over time, your subconscious mind will memorise the timing and your body will become accustomed to practicing such routine at that specific time habitually. Also, universal time will remember it.
Remember - “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence is therefore not an act, but a habit” - Aristotle.
Peace, Love & Light.
Self
Ancient wisdom from monks show that one’s day should be divided into two parts, the first half for “Self” and the other half for “Service” to others.
The first part - “Self” focuses on the premise that mornings are the most critical part of our day, and to a large degree, set the tone for how our day goes. It enunciates the importance of having a morning routine, indicating that our morning routine should encompass four separate elements based on the concept of “TIME”.
T - Thankfulnes: We ought to dedicate a certain amount of time everyday to being thankful and to practising gratitude. In so doing, it is meaningful to make sure your gratitude has specificity e.g “I am thankful for my family and the opportunity I have each day to share meaningful moments with them”.
I - Inspiration: We ought to set aside time to imbibe something insightful that will inspire us daily. Something that will speak to our consciousness e.g listening to motivational podcasts or reading inspirational books.
M - Meditation: Meditation means “to become familiar with”. It is fair to say meditation is different for different people, but it is important to find time to create stillness and space through meditation and to become familiar with the thoughts that go through your mind on a daily basis. “Learn to master of your thoughts by thinking about what you think about".
E - Exercise: We are created to move. Once we stop moving, we become static. A static body is occupied by static thoughts. It is important to set aside time everyday to move and exercise, if only for a few minutes. Doesn’t have to be a complex or competitive routine, just something that challenges your body to move dynamically everyday. "A healthy body inhabits a healthy mind".
Peace, Love & Light.