I’ve always been fascinated by the human experience, and how this continuum called life and its meaning is perpetually plagued by paradoxical tensions. We are constantly presented with contrasting choices such as joy or pain, happiness or sorrow, success or failure, and the onus is on us to use our discernment in finding our balance somewhere in between either end of these contrasting spectrums. When good things happen to us, be it in our career, relationships or finances, we are quick to take credit for it, we assume responsibility and attribute it to our good fortune, intelligence or hard work. However, when bad things happen, or life doesn’t happen as we hoped, we attribute it to factors outside our control. We seek reasons, make excuses and tell stories to convince ourselves that it is due to ill luck, the fault of others or God.

Begs the question, why do we do this? Well, psychologists suggest that it is simply easier to do so. Inherently, when bad things happen, human behaviour seeks to shift the blame on external factors such as the weather, your job, your boss, your spouse, and the list can go on. Innately, human disposition seeks to gain pleasure or avoid pain. The shift in responsibility and blame often tends to lessen the pain or pressure we would typically feel when we attribute unfavourable outcomes to our own doing, so naturally, we dissociate ourselves from negative happenstance.

Personal responsibility is a delicate and controversial theory and understandably so. It is postulated on a value and belief system that we are responsible for and should take ownership of everything that happens to us, good or bad. One can understand why most will object to this viewpoint as there are admittedly situations where we are victims of extreme circumstances to which we deserve empathy. It helps that as social creatures, others may feel sorry for us in such circumstances and in turn empathise with us. In such situations, it feels good to be acknowledged as our victimhood is validated by the emotional scaffolding we receive from others. However, when such scaffolding is withdrawn, we return to feeling disempowered and make excuses for how we feel. The most insidious thing about excuses is that they are so valid. One has a valid reason to feel like a victim especially when you are actually being victimised, but to what end?

While this might appear a privileged viewpoint when comparing people that live in societies where opportunities abound to others that live in societies with the odds stacked against them, the idea is not to lean into disempowerment but instead to strive for self-empowerment. When we choose to take full responsibility and accountability for the outcomes and results in our lives, we unshackle ourselves from an identity of excuses and stories that prevent us from the life we want. Taking personal responsibility is not about being harsh on one’s self or blaming one’s self, but instead, it is about developing a growth mindset to accept and change whatever circumstances we find ourselves in. It is the precursor to controlling one’s destiny and finding the freedom to choose how we feel, think and act.

Remember: “With great power comes great responsibility. But with personal responsibility comes great power”

Peace, Love & Light.