Forgiveness

Ironically, only the people closest to us deal us the hardest blows. Sad as this may sound, it is the reality of the complex tapestry of life. We undoubtedly feel more hurt when aggrieved by those we hold near and dear as we least expect them to be the very ones to cause us pain, and it doesn’t help that their close proximity to us means the impact is felt even harder.

I can safely assume that everyone reading this has experienced some semblance of hurt or pain caused by someone they trust and hold dear. The hurt creates a huge conflict in our minds as to how we move past such an experience which produces a profoundly negative emotion permanently etched in one’s memory. Recently I felt this type of hurt from someone I hold dear and it felt impossible to move past the hurt they caused, but serendipitously I came across some invaluable teachings in a book I read thereafter which has helped me immensely and i’ve paraphrased some of its texts herein.

Oftentimes in situations of this ilk, we feel so deeply hurt that we can’t even begin to imagine how we might forgive the person who hurt us. Ancient wisdom suggests that we must always bring patience and forbearance to our dealings with others, as most people are running on a subconscious programme or mindset without being mindful of the hurt they caused/may cause another person. As such, forgiveness ought to be an essential practice we incorporate into our daily lives, and contrary to what most of us believe, forgiveness is primarily an action we take within ourselves. Sometimes it’s better (safer/healthier) not to have direct contact with the person at all; other times, the person who hurt us might not even acknowledge they’ve done so, or no longer be around to be forgiven directly. But those factors shouldn’t impede forgiveness because it is, first and foremost, internal. Forgiveness frees us from anger which in itself is a destructive and self-sabotaging emotion.

In forgiveness, we must always seek the strength and calmness to forgive without expecting an apology or anything else in return. Forgiveness is a two-way street, pain affects both people and we must also understanding and address the role we may have played in the situation that transpired that may have led to the actions of the person that caused us hurt, and then forgive ourselves and our transgressors. It is also worth adding that forgiveness is a demonstration of strength, being able to assume the role of a peacemaker in a conflict and in turn forgive requires immense strength. The pinnacle of self actualisation is being able to forgive a person who has caused us hurt and still wish them well. Forgiveness is good for everyone and even known to have significant stress/health related benefits. When we make forgiveness a regular part of our spiritual practice, we undoubtedly start to notice all of our relationships blossoming.

Remember - “The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” - Mahatma Gandhi

Peace, Love & Light,

B.J.O