1% Happier
As obvious and paradoxical as this may sound, - “we are all the same, even though we appear different”. We humans all seek the same fundamental goal throughout our journey of existence - “to live our best life and be happy whilst doing so”.
In her several years working as a palliative nurse, Bronnie Ware sat by the bedside of numerous dying people, comforting and conversing with them through what was their final laps in the journey of life. As you may imagine, the conversations shared in those final moments with these departing souls were personal and profound, some of which she shared in her memoire (The Top Five Regrets of the Dying). Of the top five regrets of these departing souls was one ubiquitous regret, “they all wished they could have allowed themselves to be happier”.
This alludes to the fact that even up until the moment of death, we all recognise, understand and acknowledge that happiness is indeed a choice and that we can all choose to be happy instead of the contrary. Research shows that this is more of a permission issue which unsurprisingly is completely and utterly within our control as opposed to something outside our control. We create these confines in our own minds which become our reality and they prevent us from experiencing the most simple and yet the most exhilarating feeling of all - “Happiness”. Begs the obvious question, - “if happiness is indeed a choice, why aren’t we choosing to be Happy?”.
Perhaps the most pertinent reason why we don’t choose happiness is our fear of hope. According to the Oxford English Dictionary, “Hope is a feeling of expectation and desire for a particular thing to happen”. This implies that - Firstly, for you to have hope means you have to initially recognise and admit that something isn’t right about your current state - otherwise, why would you seek something else if nothing is wrong. Secondly, you have to acknowledge and reckon with the fact that the new state which you desire is possible but it isn’t guaranteed - otherwise, if you know its guaranteed, why would you hope?.
Therefore, when we admit that we desire something, but in the same moment have awareness that it isn’t guaranteed, it feels as though we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment. As such, we begin to think that if we allow ourselves to be happy before attaining that which we desire, we may be setting ourselves up for a potential disappointment if we don’t end up achieving it and that our happiness will only be momentary. It’s this very process that conditions the mind, and keeps us on the proverbial hamster-wheel where we’re constantly chasing a feeling that is well within our grasp, and yet it eludes us.
As a result of this mental conditioning, we’re constantly protecting ourselves from giving ourselves permission to be happy in order to prevent potential disappointments, and by so doing, we are fundamentally subjecting ourselves to the same suffering we’re trying to protect ourselves from. Counterproductive and self-sabotaging one might say.
However, now that you’re aware that happiness is indeed a choice, and that our time here is finite and sacred, my charge to you is to live your best life “free of regrets”, to intentionally and consciously commit to being incrementally happy as you live that life. So that one day, when you look back, you will see that the most beautiful days were also your happiest days.
Remember - “Happiness is an inside job” - William Arthur Ward
Peace, Love and Light.